Rituals after death of a loved one are a way of soothing the spirit and keeping your loved one alive. Or at least the memory of him or her.

It’s a difficult time. A heart-wrenching time and I know I felt very lost and alone without my husband. I was missing him every day. Here is an excerpt from my book, Silver Butterfly Wings: a story of transformation in the face of grief.

Missing Him

I wear his watch on my left wrist.
I sit in his place at the kitchen table, so I don’t have to look at his empty chair.
I carry his wallet in my purse.
I sleep in one of his T-shirts.
I drink coffee from his favorite mug in the morning. The one with birds on it: cardinals, blue jays, chickadees, a sparrow and even a tiny hummingbird on the inner rim. This is the very mug I used to bring him each morning when he was in hospital, and take back home in the evenings to wash. Our simple coffee ritual was a way for my husband to feel less isolated in that sterile hospital setting with its Styrofoam cups and plastic cutlery. I wanted him to feel loved and nurtured, as if he were still at home. 

Whenever I go to Tim Hortons coffee shop, I can’t help buying two cups of coffee – one for me and one for him. He takes his with two cream and two sugar (double-double). I take mine with a little cream and lots of milk. 

Ritual of pouring coffee under Grandfather Oak

Back home, I sit under the oak tree in our backyard where I have a candle burning day and night, in case he needs to find his way home. I carry on a conversation with my husband while sipping my coffee. Then I pour his under Grandfather Oak. 

I just cannot bring myself to buy only one cup. Even my children when coming to visit will bring two cups of coffee. 

It’s become a ritual; pouring David his coffee under the tree, so he will receive it wherever he is. But as days fade into weeks, I find less of a need to pour his cup under the tree. When I sip my own coffee, I feel we are sipping together, as if we are one. 

Am I losing my grip on reality?
Maybe… but I feel him close to me, in my heart. 

Love Never Dies

Our Love is our connection. It’s like a bond, gluing us together, even in the face of death. Our Love is our bridge stretching from this world to the next. And Love never dies.

Excerpt from Silver Butterfly Wings, Chapter 4 Missing Him.